[5] Tomb-Sweeping Day
5 Apr 2021 04:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kilerkkiSunday April 4, in addition to Easter, was also Qingming (Tomb-Sweeping Festival). My wife's paternal grandparents are both buried at a cemetery about 20km north of us, but we knew the place would be busy on the day of the festival, and she had the day off from work today. So we bought supplies yesterday: oranges, the peanuts and sunflower seeds her grandfather loved, braided scallion steamed buns for her grandmother. We tried going to the LCBO for baijiu for her grandfather, but I'd forgotten that even if the liquor store weren't closed on an ordinary Sunday, it would certainly be closed on Easter. Nor could we find any incense or joss paper at all, even at the Chinese supermarket. Well, we decided, we'd try again on the day.
This morning before work I steamed the buns, along with two pork-and-pickled-mustard-greens buns for our breakfast. I spent the morning working, and finally vanquished the massive South Dakota property tax bill that had already taken two full mornings' labor. After lunch, we packed up the offerings, along with water to wash the tombstone. I'd done some more research looking for stores that might sell incense or joss paper but couldn't find anything with a useful website; Aubrey confirmed that her friend who got the grave-goods for 奶奶's funeral last May had gotten them from a Buddhist temple at which her mother volunteers, which isn't an option at present. Well, we decided, as long as we could find the liquor, they ought to be happy.
Fortunately the LCBOs are back open today, although even the Richmond Hill location didn't stock baijiu. We got Korean soju instead -- significantly less alcoholic, but an acceptable substitute for 爷爷, we hope. And then we headed off to the cemetery.
The place was much quieter today but we could see offerings on the graves nearby, evidence of other families visiting this weekend. We washed the tombstone and arranged the offerings on its foot. Aubrey poured the soju over her grandfather's side of the stone. And then we stood, and she talked with them.
I talked, privately, to my own maternal grandfather, who died in June last year. He didn't die from COVID; nor did Aubrey's grandmother. But COVID restrictions -- the border closure, the lockdown of 奶奶's nursing home -- kept us both from them in the weeks and months before the end. I hadn't seen Papa for 10 months before he died. We were both able to visit him in August 2019; I introduced Aubrey to my grandparents and he was as charming and loving as always, even though dementia gripped him hard by then. I know he was confused and upset when the COVID restrictions hit, when he and my grandmother were confined to their tiny apartment in their own seniors' home. I don't know if the restrictions hastened Papa's death anymore than they hastened 奶奶's. But I wish we'd been able to visit them more. I wish I had a place to visit him now.
I apologized to Papa for that. And I thanked him. It always comes down to apologies and gratitude, in the end.
Fortunately Aubrey had thoughtfully packed enough tissues for both of us.
This morning before work I steamed the buns, along with two pork-and-pickled-mustard-greens buns for our breakfast. I spent the morning working, and finally vanquished the massive South Dakota property tax bill that had already taken two full mornings' labor. After lunch, we packed up the offerings, along with water to wash the tombstone. I'd done some more research looking for stores that might sell incense or joss paper but couldn't find anything with a useful website; Aubrey confirmed that her friend who got the grave-goods for 奶奶's funeral last May had gotten them from a Buddhist temple at which her mother volunteers, which isn't an option at present. Well, we decided, as long as we could find the liquor, they ought to be happy.
Fortunately the LCBOs are back open today, although even the Richmond Hill location didn't stock baijiu. We got Korean soju instead -- significantly less alcoholic, but an acceptable substitute for 爷爷, we hope. And then we headed off to the cemetery.
The place was much quieter today but we could see offerings on the graves nearby, evidence of other families visiting this weekend. We washed the tombstone and arranged the offerings on its foot. Aubrey poured the soju over her grandfather's side of the stone. And then we stood, and she talked with them.
I talked, privately, to my own maternal grandfather, who died in June last year. He didn't die from COVID; nor did Aubrey's grandmother. But COVID restrictions -- the border closure, the lockdown of 奶奶's nursing home -- kept us both from them in the weeks and months before the end. I hadn't seen Papa for 10 months before he died. We were both able to visit him in August 2019; I introduced Aubrey to my grandparents and he was as charming and loving as always, even though dementia gripped him hard by then. I know he was confused and upset when the COVID restrictions hit, when he and my grandmother were confined to their tiny apartment in their own seniors' home. I don't know if the restrictions hastened Papa's death anymore than they hastened 奶奶's. But I wish we'd been able to visit them more. I wish I had a place to visit him now.
I apologized to Papa for that. And I thanked him. It always comes down to apologies and gratitude, in the end.
Fortunately Aubrey had thoughtfully packed enough tissues for both of us.
